Highs and Lows: Reflections After Two Months on the Road

Below is actually an instagram post I had written after two months of van life on the road. I wanted to publish this so that you may see inside the joys and struggles of my solo journey. My hope is that this encourages you to keep pursuing your vision, even in the midst of doubt or loneliness. 


"What a journey filled with incredible highs and emotional lows. What a time to learn so much about others, and about myself. To connect with other humans on matters of the heart. I think this journey has been teaching me about faith. What a weird concept. What a relieving concept. What a beautiful concept. It has been teaching me that I don't have to know, I don't have to have a plan. All I have to do is keep taking one step of faith at a time. I think I live in the future a lot, without even meaning to. I think about what I am going to do, and say, and what the next thing I "should do" is. One my my friends gave me this analogy, and it has stuck with me ever since. He said he pictures living his life while only able to see within a four-foot radius in front of him. I think that is so beautiful. This concept brings you back to the present. It allows you to focus on one step of faith at a time, not knowing what the next one will be or where it will lead you. You can put one foot in front of the other, and keep taking steps, not knowing what the hell you're doing, but moving in the direction of the passions of your heart. I don't think it is a coincidence that God has placed the specific passions in our hearts that He has, whatever those may be. I think when we move towards what makes us come alive, God says "Watch, and see what I will do."

Living out of my car has been the funnest experience. The freedom to go anywhere, to see the beauty of the US, and to connect with the most inspiring people has been so life giving. But it has also been really lonely at times. I have been on the phone with my dad crying in the back of my car, wondering what the hell I am doing, if I have what it takes, am I capable? Can I still do this, even when anxiety seems like this massive obstacle that I can't move through? But I have also been learning that these times of feeling lost and confused are ok. And they are not only ok, they are a necessary part of life. They are doing things in my heart, molding me, and growing me in ways I don't even know they are. They are causing me to have a deeper understanding of myself and about what it is to be human. They are creating an opportunity to love myself well, especially when I can become so frustrated with myself. There is beauty in the brokenness and the mess, in being exactly where you're at. The highs and lows are the richness of this weird and wonderful life.

If you are feeling lost or broken, I hope this is encouraging, and know that you're not alone. You are loved, and so worthy, and you are capable of chasing down your passions."